http://ifttt.com/images/no_image_card.png Dear Bunmi,
I was fresh out of the university when I found myself pregnant at age 22. I didn’t want to get married, but my boyfriend then was 30 years old and persuaded me we should get married for the child’s sake. The marriage turned out to be a nightmare as he became controlling and violent. I endured his abuse for 15 years and with three children, I finally found the courage to leave him – thanks to my best friend’s encouragement.
I was to finally go to the house to collect the rest of my things and my friend agreed to go with me for moral support. Unfortunately, she arrived before I got there. My husband was in, in spite of his telling me he wouldn’t be around. He invited my friend in to wait for me and attacked her almost immediately, raping her in the process. When I eventually turned up, we both went to the police and got him arrested. Later, relatives and friends convinced us to drop the charges because of the children.
My friend never spoke to me again and as soon as she could, she got transferred to another state. If I’d left my ex sooner, my friend might never have gone through the nasty experience of being violated. I blame myself for the trauma she went through.
Rukayat, by e-mail.
I’m sorry for what happened to your best friend and it is sad you were unable
to be reconciled before she relocated. Please know that what happened to her was
not your doing. You are a victim just as she was and you need support in realising this. You did the best you could by reporting the incident.
You’ve lost your best friend as well as your marriage. You need counselling
to get over your losses and make the most of your life as the single parent you now are.