http://ifttt.com/images/no_image_card.png Dear Bunmi,
I’ve discovered that when I’m in a relationship with a guy, I always lose myself. Once I fall in love, everyone and everything else ceases to be important.
Invariably, the guy dumps me because I suffocate him and then I have to grovel to get my friends to forgive me for ignoring them.
I’m well aware of doing it and try to stop myself but it doesn’t work. I’m currently single and want to solve this before getting a new boyfriend and start the whole process again.
We all tend to disappear off the face of the earth when we first find someone we think is delicious. That’s normal. What’s not normal is letting any man kidnap us from our career, friends and family, over and over again.
I think your problem is two-fold. First, it sounds like you’re not just looking for a loving relationship but an escape from the life you’re in.
If you loved your job, your friends and everything about your life, you wouldn’t be so quick to drop them the minute some guy came along. Look at changes you can make to your life that will make you happy.
The second issue is that age old problem psychologist call “abandonment”.
Looks like someone you love abandoned you (a partner or a past lover?) or you saw it happen to someone. This may explain why you feel you need to cling so tight.
Now that you have recognised this flaw in your relationship, you need to talk openly
about this with trusted friends and ask them to give you a wake-up call whenever
they feel you’re once more stepping out of line.